


What you always wanted

by Macadoodles



Category: My Hero Academia
Genre: Aged up characters, Angst, Bakugou swears a lot, Inko Midoriya - Freeform, Kiminari denki - Freeform, M/M, Nightmares, Sad Bakugou, Tears, Yagi Toshinori - Freeform, dangerous battle, uraraka ochako - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-27
Updated: 2020-07-28
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:20:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25551973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Macadoodles/pseuds/Macadoodles
Summary: Bakugou and Midoryia have been told to head over to a certain fight where only a few heroes were called to handle it due to its severity.  While there they both realize thus is more serious than they thought, but it was already too late.
Relationships: Bakugou Katsuki/Midoriya Izuku
Comments: 5
Kudos: 14





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey this is my first fanfic I’m writing and hopefully the more I write the more progress and quality of my works will get better. Thanks for reading and I’ll post as often as I can.

Bakugou was chilling on his couch angrily shouting at the tv all the while shoveling popcorn into his mouth. He couldn’t believe how stupid the people in his horror movie were, constantly doing everything wrong. He wasn’t surprised most of them were dead. He decided to turn the tv off, and then walked through his apartment to his room. He was tired and he knew he stayed up later than he should have, only being 11:20. He changed from his traditional skull t-shirt into a thick, black sweater he received from one of his birthdays. He slowly pulled the covers back and then rolled himself up in them. He could feel his heavy eyelids start to succumb to sleep when he heard a loud sound.

Bakugou shot out of bed, his chest heaving and a cold sweat on his angry brows. He heard the sounds again, but slowly realized that it was only his phone. He was about to go back to bed when he remembered, ‘I’ve never gotten a damn notification noise like that before’. Jutting his lower lip out in a pout he reached over for his phone, only to have it buzz in his face again. He realized the caller ID was from his hero agency. Slowly he pressed the button to accept the call and was met with a frightened voice.

“Ground Zero, we need your assistance....NOW!!”

Bakugou was slightly shocked but mostly angry because easily some extras could handle this.

“Fuck off! Get some low class heroes to handle this. Only call me when you actually need a capable person! Got it?”

There was silence on the other end of the phone, and Bakugou started looking around his room in confusion.

“Ground Zero, sir....have you not seen the news? We are labeling this as a citywide threat. We need all the ‘extras’ we can get. I don’t think you understand how serious this is.”

“I don’t, because I could care less.”

“Bakugou!! You WILL be here as soon as possible or so help me God you are done! DO YOU HEAR ME?! NOW!!”

“Fine!!”

He threw his phone on his bed as soon as he ended the call. He was furious, they didn’t need him, the others could easily control this ‘threat’. Bakugou gritted his teeth slightly before stomping over to his closet to get his hero costume. 

In record time he managed to get it on, leaving his apartment with a loud slam and lock of his door. He checked the location for the emergency, and ‘of course’ he thought, ‘it just had to be in the center of the city, didn’t it’. He let out a huff before making his way over.

By the time he got there he could see smoke and flames everywhere. ‘What the fuck is going on?!’. Once he cleared the smoke he could see figures fighting and lots of noise. He cracked an angry smile, taking this sight as one of his jokes. They couldn’t be serious. They called me in for this? He was about to turn on his heel and leave when he heard a guttural scream from someone he knew all too well. 

He spun his head in the direction of the noise right as he saw Deku flying at him. He barely took the impact as he was shoved him to the ground with Deku laying on top of him.

“What the hell was that, nerd?!”

“Ah, s-sorry Kachaan! I couldn’t see where I was flying an-“

He was cut off by Bakugou shoving his hand over Dekus mouth and pushing him off of him. 

“Just get back up and go play!”

“Uh, Kachaan you do realize that this is not some child’s play. Right? I mean have you even seen what’s up there?!”

“Bet I could take it down in ten seconds flat! While it would probably take you and five other extras to even scratch it!”

“JUST SHUT UP FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE ABOUT YOU BEING BETTER THAN EVERYONE!! YOURE NOT THE ONLY ONE HERE!! THERE ARE HEROES FIGHTING FOR THEIR LIVES OVER THEIR AND YOU HAVE THE AUDACITY TO GLAOT WHEN YOU HAVENT DONE ANYTHING?!?! Try talking to me once you’ve actually proven yourself, Kachaan.”

Bakugou stood there in stunned silence. He had never seen Deku snap like that. He had his jaw hanging open hoping to say something witty that would make him superior to Deku again, but Deku was right which hit home for Kachaan. He gritted his teeth and watched as Izuku went back into the smoke. His blood was boiling from being attacked like that. ‘Was this how Deku feels when I scream at him?’. Bakugou took one shallow breath before running full force through the steam. ‘How bad could this fucking fight be for Deku to snap at ME?’


	2. Fanning the flames

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The intensity of the fight and tension between Bakugou and Izuku grows, but to what extent will they realize that too far is too far?

Bakugou caused one of his hands to explode, launching him into the air. He kept his resting-bitch face on, not wanting to convey anything else after the encounter he had. Once he blasted through the smoke, his stomach dropped at the sight. Deku was right. He looked around and all he could see was damaged buildings, fire, smoke, he heard screaming, crying, and lots of bodies. Despite his tough nature, he almost gagged. _What the hell could have caused all THIS?!?_ He finally made it past a shattered building, and that’s when he saw it. Didn’t look like much but Bakugou knew it was. There was a person standing in the middle of the street. Cloaked in a bright yellow hood with a cape. He wondered why they wanted to be so easy to spot. He looked around to see if anyone was around and also wondered why no one was going after him. Movement suddenly caught his eye as he landed near a tree. He looked over and saw Uraraka inside one of the office building rooms. _Was she crying?_ Bakugou was about to head over towards her to get information in what was going on, when he heard a crash.   
  


He spun his head just in time to see what was really going on here. The person with the yellow hood was causing _explosions?!_ Bakugou looked on with his mouth agape. Someone else had his quirk. Well, not exactly because thus persons were more like bombs. Blue firey bombs. He watched with intense red eyes as one was being formed. Then a song of anger hit him. Not that this was unusual but because he realized this was the person who destroyed so much and killed to many. He felt his veins beating under his skin. Then he ran.   
  


Bakugou was about a meter or so away from this hooded threat when he felt something hard knock into his stomach. He was sent flying back into a phone booth. He coughed up blood and sat there dazed as he tried to calculate what the hell happened. He scrunched his face up in rage and slowly stood up. He spat out some blood to get the metallic taste out, then slowly put a hand to his stomach. _Only the wind got knocked out. But what the fuck was that?! I’ll show them!!_  
  


“Who the hell are you, huh?! Thinking you can just kick me like a street rat?? Pay attention to me, dammit!!”

Bakugou was running once again at the villain, now trying to be careful of his movements. This time he saw a leg fly up from under the cloak, now dodging it as it flew up. _Thought you’d hit me with the same truck twice didn’t ya, heh._ He was now in the zone. Dodging and running laps around this fool. He had his explosions charged up and aimed them right at his face, last thing he remembers was feeling his skull crack the pavement beneath him.

When Bakugou came to his senses he shot up and screamed. Not in pain but in anger because he _knew_ the villain got away. He looked around and saw Uraraka walking over to him. God he didn’t want to deal with people tonight.   
  


“Are you okay Bakugou? You took a pretty hard beating just now. I think it’s best if yo-“

”Shut. Up.”

She didn’t say another word and just started walking away, occasionally taking a worried glance back at him. He was absolutely livid. He needed to find this shit-sun and destroy them. With his adrenaline up he easily was able to stand. Walking down the street noticing new things were destroyed. He could heard chattering and more explosions which made his blood boil. He was picking up his pace almost to a skip when he saw something move. He looked closer at it and began walking towards it. He stopped abruptly when he saw it was a child. He shook his head and ran up to them trying to free them from the rubble keeping them trapped. They were crying and wiggling too much, slowly cutting up their arms.   
  


“Hey kid, stop that! If you want me to help you dammit stop moving so goddamn much!”

”B-but I’m st-tuck an I can’t m-move!”

”Thats why I’m trying to help you! Idiot.”

Bakugou started pulling the rocks away and still yelling at the kid for moving. He was freed eventually and once he was the kid was running around. Bakugou thought he would run off to find his parents but was caught off guard when the kid ran back to him and hugged above his knees, making him wobble.   
  


“Kid!! What are you doing?!”

”Thanking you because you’re a hero and you saved me!”

Bakugou didn’t know how to respond to this action, so he just gently patted the top of the kids fluffy brown hair. Then they started running away to where the rescue teams were hosting survivors. He cracked the smallest pleased smile he could, practically not knowing he was doing it until he felt a slap on his shoulder. He looked up and saw Deku. _Of course it’s Deku! He’s probably here to brag or make me feel low again!! Damn nerd!_  
  


“You did good Kachaan! Saving the boy and not killing him in the process!”

”You really think I’d kill a fucking child just because I have anger issues, that’s low.”

”It was a joke! Learn to take one without getting offended.”

”Whats with your new attitude, huh? Your still the same coward and ball of nerves you were since high school! You _haven’t changed_ so quite acting all high and nightly like you All Might or some shit!”

”W-what?!”

”There it is. Damn Deku thinking you could change.”

”Kachaan. Im not trying to act different. I’m just trying to be rational for once and not be nervous because too much is at stake here.”

”Like what your reputation? Gimme a break.”

”No. Peoples lives are. And so is this city. I’m not trying to be a self-centered hero. I’m trying to be a hero the people actually need.”

”Oh hoho you got the courage now to say that people don’t need me as a hero?”

Bakugou took a step forwards into Izukus space. He was still taller so he felt powerful looking down on him. He could see the way Dekus face backed down from his challenge and this have an edge to his tongue.   
  


“You’re saying that it would be better if I wasn’t a hero, hmm?”

”Kachaan. That’s not what I meant! I think you’re an amazing hero, I always have.....thought that you....were amazing.”

Bakugou has heard this all before but now it was different. He could see a pink shading on Dekus face. He could see the way his eyes were wide, but looking away. He saw the way his body shrank when in his presence. He noticed the way Delu was fidgeting with his gloves. He noticed _him._  
  


This didn’t make any sense to Bakugou as Deku was screaming at him earlier. He was confused that Deku was embarrassed, but he didn’t want to clue in to fit the pieces together, not yet. Instead of fanning the flames of this tension he didn’t know how to place, he gave a loud tch and turned on his heel. He was beginning to walk towards where he saw the villain go. And because he was genuinely confused he looked back and saw Deku. He was still flushed, but now his face showed him looking _angry?_ He didn’t feel like questioning it too much so he kept walking. But he couldn’t get the image of Deku blushing with his wide green eyes avoiding his gaze out of his head. The damn nerd, getting into his head. What was he doing to him?

Bakugou found the fight again and this time saw a few heroes butting in to stop the yellow-headed shit-bomber. He was proud of his nicknames for people. He gave his signature smirk and then ran in to give them a piece of his mind. He almost laughed when he got an explosion to the back of their head, causing them to blow their bomb at their own feet sending them up and then back down flat on their back. Bakugou walked up to them and tugged the good off they’re head revealing a man. He stared into Bakugous red eyes with his own blue ones. He had a handful of their brown hair in his hand along with the hood. They looked the same age, and his face was covered in scars giving him a creepy aura. Bakugou was certain he had caught them but then looked down and saw a bomb about to go off by his feet. He quickly dropped the man, or more like threw him to the ground and released the ring for his grenades. They exploded along with the bomb causing a massive light and smoke everywhere. Although he knew the damage was limited. Once the smoke cleared of course the villain was already gone. This struck a nerve in Bakugou giving him a new hatred for this person. He clenched his jaw tight and started running through the maze of ruined street. It was pitch black out now. Probably around midnight he thought. He ran down one section of road before stopping.   
  


There in front of him was a bomb. He slowly went up to it, noticing that this was made and dropped here by the guy. He went to touch it but it flared up for a second. He pulled his arm back and looked around him. His eyes went wide when something clicked. His heart racing he ran back into the streets and went down another alley. He saw another bomb. This confirmed his theory. This bomber guy was setting bombs in every street and can set them off to his own will. Catching him won’t be enough. He’s gonna blow the whole city if he gets far enough. He needed to tell someone, hating the idea of asking for fucking help at a time like this, but he was disgusted that he had no choice. He looked through the street and saw Denki. He was walking fast in his direction when he heard it. One look behind him finally made him feel something he forgot he was capable of; fear.


	3. Found and lost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bakugou shoots up when he hears a scream, he’s heard many today but it makes his mouth run dry; it’s Dekus scream.

Bakugou barely had time to widen his eyes at the site. It started from deeper within the central city, but they kept creeping closer. It was horrifyingly beautiful to watch as bombs exploded around every corner the villain had touched. He had to shake his head when he realized they’re coming closer. He had no breath to scream for everyone to run, because normal people can’t survive explosions at that kind of mass. He finally was able to put an emotion to this; fear. Bakugou was afraid.   
  


He kept running through the streets and knew he wouldn’t have to warn anybody as they could all hear the bombs and see the mushroom clouds lighting up the night sky. He passed by people mesmerized, watching the orange cloud in the glass reflection of their eyes. Then came the ringing. He guessed around 100 bombs or more had went off, completely obliterating whatever was left behind. This came nowhere near as bad as the loud screams that were bouncing off every corner and the inside of his ears. He felt warm liquid leak out, like the feeling when your ears unplug after swimming. But Bakugou already knew that his eardrums were busted. When he could no longer see anymore blasts going off he knew he had to stop running. The only reason he wasn’t cause he had felt fear for the first time in a long time. He didn’t know how to react. Now that he was mostly in control of his senses he knew as a hero he couldn’t back down. These people needed someone and if he was running too, where would they look to?

Bakugou took a deep breath and watched through new flames as a dark luminous figure started to emerge. He brows knit together in downright disgust and rage. Slowly he started walking in their direction, when he suddenly saw a flash of green and then a flash of blue. _It’s damn Deku isn’t it? Had to ruin the moment._ Bakugou stiffened and watched as he saw Deku speed around the yellow-caped villain. Throwing his Full Cowling and Smashes. He was struck with awe as he watched him dance around leaving the man confused. Then he was finally caught by his throat and shoved aside. _Since when did this fucker get so strong?! Pisses me off!!_ Bakugou let out a battle cry and ran into the flames.   
  


At first he couldn’t see, then he noticed how hot it was. He was thankful that at least the more he sweat the better he could perform. He watched the flames flicker before showing the face of the man responsible. He took a step back before speaking with through seething teeth.   
  


“What. The fuck. Is wrong with you?!”

”Isn’t that the heroes job, hmm? Always telling everybody their place. Always putting themselves higher than everyone else? If anyone should tell me how to act, please _be my guest.”_

Bakugou hated how challenging his voice was. He was trying I provoke and annoy him and it was damn well working. He gritted his teeth for the hundredth time that day before he spat bear his feet. 

“I’m not telling you how to act fucker. I’m telling you that you can’t just go around blowing shit up and fucking around with everything!!”

”isn’t that what _you do._ Before you criticize others, take a look at your own motives.”

Bakugou knew this was half true. But he didn’t go around doing it for fun, and he sure as hell didn’t kill people! He sucked in a seething breath before ending the conversation right there. He launched at him. At first they were wrestling, both rolling and barely getting a hit in, yet once his head was smashed once the ringing shot up again. He cried out for a moment before feeling the weight off his chest. He knew Deku had been the reason. He gave a shallow snails to him before standing up. Then he looked at him straight in the eyes which he hadn’t done in a long time. He felt his heart beat race with a new adrenaline. Not the kind before a fight, Bakugou knew this was a different anticipation. A new kind of nervousness. He blinked once, twice and then saw blue.   
  


He saw the ground fly out from beneath him, and then he was flying. He could feel the wind in his hair and an ache under his jaw. It didn’t register what happened until he felt a searing burn on his face as well. The blue puff and smoke flickered away and before he knew it he hit something. His back crashed through it first with a shattering sounds and then he found himself on his back, breath knocked out of him as pain and aches shot from all around his body. He watched the ceiling for a moment, seeing it sway and morph around. He couldn’t move and the ringing broke his hearing for now. He could see more glowing orange and blue from around the area as black dots and a static noise clouded his senses. Then he was out.   
  


It was muffled at first. But once he started to groan and twitch he heard it flood in all at once. Bakugou shot up at the sound of the registered scream. He’s heard many today but this one makes his mouth run dry, and time stops. It was Dekus scream.  
  


His heart pounded in his ears as he quickly got up. Every ache didn’t matter, every glass cut or shard in his skin didn’t hurt, the ringing, bleeding, dropping feeling in his gut all didn’t exist right now. He rushed outside from where he was only to find a scene that made him gag. There it played in slow motion as Bakugou could only stare with wide red eyes. It was Deku. Fighting the villain. Getting a blow to the stomach. Watching a blue light emit and glow on them casting tall shadows. Then an orange light, a cracking sound, blood, a body limp and flying. Bakugou heard his breathing catch. Felt his throat tighten. Felt his fingers and legs go cold and numb. His mouth was open and a squeak came out of it. Now the villain only meters away didn’t matter to him. Bakugou bolted.

He reached Dekus body and layer his head in his lap. He kept tapping his cheeks making sure he could see his eyes, those beautiful big green eyes. His eyes traveled to where his hand was aggressively threading through his soft curly green locks. His eyes moved again to the hole in his stomach. Before he knew it there was blood all over him and Deku. But instead Bakugou pulled Izuku even closer. Letting his nose bury in his hair. He didn’t even realize he was sniffing until he had to stop his nose from leaking. When he opened his eyes everything around him was blurry. _When did I start crying? Deku is crying too._ Bakugou looked down again and saw Dekus lips start to move slightly. He craned his neck so he could hear what he was saying.

”Kachaan. I did good, r-right? As a hero.”

It took Bakugou a while to find his voice but then he finally spoke.”You did a fucking amazing job. An-and you’ll continue to do amazing and you’ll keep getting better and besting me. Alright? Keep a promise Deku.”

”Kachaan. D-do you have regrets?”

”Who doesn’t? I wish I could say or do stuff, but sometimes I can’t.”

”What do you regret?”

It was barely above a whisper but he managed it out.” I regret not taking what I always wanted because once I saw it, it was gone.”

”Hmm Kachaan has everything. What have you always wanted?”

”You.”

Deku gave a small smile which momentarily warmed his heart. He saw Dekus lips twitch before sighing a long breath.

  
“M-me too Katsuki...”

  
Bakugou couldn’t stop the tears now. He could see the moment in Dekus eyes when he gave up struggling. The way his skin paled and his eyes stopped fluttering. The way his warm he had subconsciously grabbed felt cold and heavy. This wasn’t Deku. He was......gone.   
  


Bakugou hadn’t know strong emotions for years other than anger. But now he didn’t understand how to release his anguish. He was loud, it was something he was good at doing, so he screamed. His head was thrown back and his cracking voice as he screamed with tears overflowing his eyes. His body was twitching and his chest physically hurt. Like something was trying to rip it’s way out. Bakugou pulled Dekus body so close he could still smell his ashy hair. The realization hit him again and again, acting like punches as every breath was stripped from his lungs into the form of panic. He was breathing fast and hard. _No more bright green eyes. His fucking sunshine smile. His happy freckles. His dreams. No more fluffy green curls. No cheesy annoying laughter. No more. No more. No more. None. All gone. No more.....Izu-_

“IZUKUUUU!!! AAAHH!! NO DAMMIT, DINT GIVE UP ON ME!! YOU CANT YOU CANT YOU CANT! Izuku, Izuku, Izuku.....Izuku...................”

He kept screaming until it was a chocked sob and after his throat had tightened so much. He was still shaking and felt so weak. He felt empty. With Izukus body clutched so close to him, lifeless, he began rocking back and forth. He stopped crying and kept rocking with his nose deep in his hair and arms bloody and sticky wrapped around his corpse. He lost expression. Not even anger crossed his radar. His face was emotionless staring at the ground a foot in front of him. His red eyes puffy and pink, him stiff sniffling and digging his fingers into Izukus back. Deku was gone. Everything Bakugou had wanted he realized to late he had it, now it was gone and he had nothing all over again. In that moment he felt just as dead as Izuku.

_I fucking loved you, nerd._


	4. Breaking point

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bakugou is dealing with the death of Izuku and snaps at the villain. Then he has nightmares.

Bakugou doesn’t know how long he sat there with the body crippled in his arms. He stopped crying and rocking. He stopped feeling everything. He blinked slowly and noticed for the first time that he had probably sitting there for a good hour. It was only 1 in the morning, but this felt like hours. There was no more smoke as he looked around, and most of the fires were just glowing flickers. He noticed that no other heroes were around. _  
  
_

_Where are those fucker!! We need_ help!

Bakugou gated getting help, or receiving it, but there needed a line to be drawn. He took in a long shaky breath and looked at the body one last time. It felt so cold. He pushed back the faded curls on his head and pressed a chaste shaky kiss on his forehead. Then he slowly moved the corpse off his lap. As he started to stand, he realized his feet were numb, that he was weak, and empty. He let his arms and head hang low when he began walking. He took one final wipe at his face and with every step it was harder to walk away from the body. He rounded many corner and then it dawned on him that no one went to look for them, was because they were in the area that was obliterated. No one _could_ go looking for them. He didn’t feel like looking around. But the atmosphere felt more destroyed. Bakugou finally remembered. Destruction. Death. Villain.   
  


He suddenly lifted his head with a new passion born of pure hatred and livid rage. He was going to murder the man who took Izuku away from him. His steps became more confident but maybe it would have been better if he stayed emotionless.   
  


The villain was more than likely alive and had escaped and was now hiding. Bakugou knee he couldn’t find them now, it would take forever, but he made a fake promise to himself. He wasn’t letting him live. Not with Izukus blood on his hands. He planned for a long painful death. He wasn’t going to let any more villains escape from his grasp. None of them would kill or hurt anymore people. He would make sure of it.   
  


He finally found his way back to a crowd of people, and there he saw Uraraka and Denki. For the fist in hours his face grew angry. To everyone it was his normal mad face but to him it was different. He walked up to them and let his height tower over them.   
  


“Where were you shits back there?”

”Bakugou, what are you talking about? He got away.”

”I know!! Where were you guys when I was fighting him?? Where were you guys when I was knocked out?? WHERE WERE YOU?!!?“

  
Uraraka was left with her mouth hanging open. Then she shut it because she had nothing better to say. Denki on the other hand was about to say something.   
  


“Bakugou......what happened back there?”

They both watched in wide eye horror as Bakugou had the most enraged face they’d ever seen. They knew that face was one of a furious devastation. Despite that, under his angry face a tear slipped from his eye.   
  


“Bakugou y-you gotta talk to us bro.....What happened back there?”

“ _You fucked up. You weren’t there. It’s your fault.”_

”What are you talking about?”

”Want me to scream it from the fucking rooftops?? Hah?? HES GONE!!”

”Bakugou you’re scaring me! Who’s gone? No one died here!! What are you saying?!”

”IZUKU!! He’s gone!! He was left fighting on his own ass and he payed for that because no one else was there to fucking save him!! YOU COWARDS!!”

Both Denki and Uraraka stared at him for moments before things started to process in their minds. Uraraka was the first to bust into tears, quickly covering her mouth in quiet sobs. Denkis eye twitched for a moment before his face scrunched up. He was holding back tears as best he could, biting his lip too hard. Bakugou watched as Uraraka fell on her knees and as Denki knelt down to hold her. He looked back up into Bakugous angry and sad red eyes with his own tears now falling. Bakugou felt his breath bitch but he quickly sniffled and walked off. As he was walking away from the aftermath all the noise smashed together. Chattering of survivors, Urarakas sobs, sirens, his own breathing getting heavy again.   
  


When he made it back to his apartment he shivered. It was intact looking the same hours ago, as if nothing happened. Bakugou couldn’t stand this. Things around him trying to show him nothing changed. He hated it. He shoved a vase onto the floor in a quick swoop. He flipped his table, punched dents into walls, pulled down pictures and snapped them. He threw chairs, one smashing his window. Then he broke down again. He leaned against a wall and slid down slowly, eventually curling in on his knees. He felt his shoulder violently shaking and his breath stuttering so much he thought he would pass out. He noticed himself relax slightly as he was pulled into a sad sleep.   
  


_There he was waking up again inside the store his back shattered through. He heard the scream again, high pitched and filled with pain, cracks and chokes. Bakugou couldn’t move a muscle. He couldn’t tear his eyes away and was forced to watch the way Deku was murdered. The blue light shone again and slowly glowed on the drops of blood now flying everywhere. He watched at this time he still couldn’t get to him, and the villain walked over to the body. Taking his shoe to Dekus head, and then with force crushing it. Bakugou watched with shaky eyes, hearing the cracks and watching his face disappear. He finally screamed, it was cracky and hoarse, but desperate.  
_

He woke up screaming again and then covered his mouth with a cold sweaty hand. His eyes were wet again and he could see the sunlight spilling into his apartment. He quickly wiped his tears and tried to steady the fast beating of his heart. He realized he was still against the wall and in his sweaty and bloody hero costume. He sat up and walked to his room. He turned on the hot water for a shower. He was in there for an hour trying to wash off all the dried blood Izuku spilled on him. When he finally got out he dried off and went to lie on his bed. He checked his phone for any messages and he was bombarded with many. Some asking what happened, some wanted to talk, some had no idea and just wanted to say hi. His stomach twisted and he turned off his phone. What was he going to do now?

_He was with Izuku, holding his hand and looking once again into those jungle green eyes. They were always so happy and bright. Lighting up his face with his freckles. He looked down slightly at his lips, parted and in a small smirk. Bakugou lent down and kissed him. He pulled away and they were both smiling. Bakugou felt a genuine smile on his lips, and he felt free._

He suddenly woke again, noticing it was probably midday by now. He slowly pushed himself up and remembered his dream. He felt his throat tighten again. _I’m never gonna get a chance to kiss the nerd._ He hated how vulnerable and soft he felt and had become in such a short time. He also hated that this was a normal reaction. He covered his mouth and then heard a knock on his door that jolted his nerves.   
  


He made his way through this trashed apartment in wobbled steps. When he unlocked the door he opened it a notch before going wide eyed. It was All Might. 


	5. Picking up the pieces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bakugou has to attend the funeral and sees people that keeping reminding him that he’s gone

Bakugou stared wide eyed at his guest. It was All Might. He hadn’t seen the man since he graduated from UA. He was now 23 and a pro hero. It had been too long and now suddenly All Might was showing up at his door. But, he knew _exactly why_.

Bakugou opened his door slightly more and then motioned for him to come in. All Might seemed shocked from the mess around his apartment but it was expected. He took a deep breath and walked over to the sofa and sat down, then motioned for Bakugou to sit down with him. He swayed for a minute before giving in and sitting with the man.   
  


“Bakugou I-I.......You know what I’m here don’t you.”

”Yes, I do. So get this over with.”

”We need to make funeral arrangements. And I also came because I know that you need someone. To talk to I mean, and I’m letting you know.........I’m here.”

”I don’t need anybody! I told you get this over with. I can’t deal with this right now. So either actually do something or get out.”

”Bakugou. Midoriyas death was sudden and unfortunate bu-“

”YOU WERENT THERE!! HE DIED IN MY FUCKING ARMS AND PEOPLE HAVE TO KEEP REMINDING ME THAT HES GONE!! THEYRE JUST CASUALLY MOVING ON!!”

”B-Bakugou no one is moving on. We all lost him, he was like a son to me. I understand how hard it must have been. I’m so sorry.”

Bakugou started tearing up. He put his face in his hands. “Don’t.”

”Don’t apologize.”

”Come here.”

Bakugou sat closer to Toshinori on the couch and leaned into his thin arm. His shoulders started shaking as he cried more. Toshinori put his arm around Bakugous shoulder and began shushing him. 

“He was right there. In my fucking arms. And before that. If I hadn’t froze. He would still be-“

His voice cut off from a small sob. He couldn’t remember a time when he was so emotional but for once it didn’t matter. He had lost the person he was in love with.   
  


“Damn nerd.”

Today was the day of Izukus funeral. Many recognizable faces from high school were there, and many family and friends as well as people Deku had saved. The whole world mourned this hero’s death. Bakugou was instructed to give a speech for him. He was nervous and still shaken from the past weeks events. He wanted Deku to be remembered forever. He was drawn out of his thoughts when someone approached him. It was Inko.   
  


“Katsuki. Thank you. For always being there for my Izuku. He was very brave and strong. He did good. My little boy.”

”He did aunty. You should be proud.”

”Couldn’t be prouder. Here let’s go into the church now.”

”Right.”

Bakugou followed Inko into the church for the ceremony. Once he sat down all sound around him blurred together and he sat there with his thoughts and he lost track of time.   
  


“- to the platform.”

Bakugou was pulled from his thoughts and everyone was looking at him. He knit his brows in confusion for a moments before it registered.   
  


“May Bakugou Katsuki please come to the platform. He has a few words to say.”

Bakugou sucked in a breath and then began to walk up. He looked out at the people, seeing many familiar faces that stung. He pulled out a piece of crumpled paper and cleared his voice to start reading.

”I’m not good with saying speeches and shit. Not really good at being kind or saying good about people, but today is important. I need to make it up to the nerd. So I can praise him for once I guess. I’ll admit Dek-Izuku was strong. And fearless but that became a problem, a great one back in high school. Um, he was my friend when we were little. We were very close, I knew him so well and I guess I regret pushing him away in middle school. I have many regrets. One being I never became who I thought I would. The other......I never got to prove myself to him. We were always trying to pass each other and this time, he’s outdone me for sure. I don’t need to catch up to him. He’s made his place as a hero and he was willing. I’m gonna miss hearing his annoying voice all the time, but I won’t miss the memories because they’re still here. I’ll just say it. He was a damn good hero. Never forget that. I-I’m gonna miss the nerd. We all will. But as All Might has said, you gotta smile.....right? We gotta..........for. For him.”

The crowd was silent at first but soon he looked up and saw that some were crying, but they were all _smiling._ He took in a deep breath and went to go walk back down to his seat. Once there Inko latched onto his arm and began simpering.   
  


“Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.”

Bakugou just hugged her not sayin gn a word and watched as she looked up at him with tears staining her face but a big smile spread across her features. This made Bakugou realize this was a funeral but also a celebration of Izukus life. Bakugou finally gave in and smiled. It felt odd, but right. _Nerd is probably laughing at me right now._  
  
  


_Bakugou has a dream that night. He’s with Deku sitting on a bench by water. The sun is setting and he feels himself smiling. He looks out onto the water and when he looks back Deku isn’t there. Only his corpse. Laying back in his lap, pale and cold. He watches the body fade away to dirt as he’s left chasing after one last thing to hold onto. He’s left with nothing._

Weeks pass after the funeral and Bakugou hasn’t changed much. He doesn’t talk much or do much for that matter. He has no energy to go on. That’s until he sees something. A yellow hood.   
  


Adrenaline courses through his veins as he rushes outside and down the street as fast as he can. He doesn’t care that he’s in sweats and a sweater he just runs. He goes down a road and sees the end of the cape disappear around an alley. He stalks after it and once he rounds the corner he feels a pain in his neck. Is squeezes tighter and he tries to pull the arm away. With ease it drops and he’s left staring into the dark hooded features of the man who killed Izuku. 

  
Bakugou let’s sparks dance around his finger tips. The other man just smiles. Bakugou knows what’s about to happen. All his rage is found knowing that he can get revenge. He steps towards the man who accepts his challenge by stepping closer to him. In less than 3 seconds flat he is at the villains side and punches his sparking fist into his ribs. His explosion doesn’t obliterate his target but does sound them. They look back at Bakugou with shadowed eyes that seem to glow. It sends a shiver down his spine. Their hands begin to glow blue as they stand up with some blood seeping through their cloak. In quick motions he whipped his hooded cape off and let it fly in the breeze before falling silently onto the ground. Bakugou feels more than ready for the fight. 

They charge after Bakugou and he dodges and redirects a kick to the mans stomach. He was sent flying. At this moment Bakugou lost all rational thinking and ran after their flying body. His eyes were red and dark and his face was calm but still scowling. His brain went on a one track plan. Kill. Kill. Kill. Once his first punch made contact with the body he reeled back and punched his gut. Then his head and neck, chest, gut, chest, head, arm. There was blood everywhere and Bakugou pulled his hand back as it started sparking. He looked into the regretful eyes of the fucker. He was in pain and in shock, but once he caught onto Bakugous plan they began to panic.   
  


“Y-you’re not really going _kill_ me are you? You’re a hero you know. They don’t kill. You can’t!”

”And bitches like you can? Give me one good reason not to kill you. I fucking dare you, bastard.”

”Because I-I-“

”And your fucking motive? What about that, huh? Blowing up the middle of the city and killing people. All for what?”

”Am I supposed to know. I wanted to be seen. Feared. Fear is too powerful you know. Better than any feeling.”

”If you like it so much, want a taste of your own medicine?”

”What?”

Bakugou let his hand spark up more and watched as the person below him gave wide shaky eyes and a stuttering mouth desperate to speak or lie his way out of his sentence. Bakugou slowly craned his neck to speak right into the mans ear.   
  


“This is fear. Still like it?”

He showed them his deep red eyed once more before blowing his hand into an explosion. By the time he pulled his hand away he knew they weren’t dead. This kept up his fantasy of a slow death. They were however barely breathing.   
  


“It’d be too rich if I killed you, especially if it was fast. You deserve to suffer, bitch. You can’t stand or move right now, let alone barely breathe. So you get to have fun suffocating.”

He began walking away flipping his middle finger up to the body lying there. He gritted his teeth and looked at the cement beneath his feet. His revenge didn’t feel good. It should but, would Deku have wanted this? He seethed a sigh through his teeth and then kept waking. _Well Deku isn’t here right now is he?_

He walked over to a bench near a river and at down. He imagined Deku sitting beside him and smiling brightly with his dark green curls bouncing in the wind. He imagined Deku holding his hand. Bakugou imagined sitting my the sunset with Izuku, holding hands and him leaning on Bakugous shoulder. It was a good dream if he could choose it. He closed his eyes and knew that all of thus was just the beginning of his picking up the pieces of his now broken life. He would do it. 

_For Izuku.  
_

_The End._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so so much for reading my fic and I plan to write many more in the future. Again please give any feedback or suggestions of au’s or ideas you’d like me to write about


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